Blogging...ummm...why am I doing this? I like the idea of combining words and images in cyberspace so I thought I'd give a simple blog a try.
One week ago I was in the emergency room getting an i.v. to rehydrate my withered cells. I was having a severe flair-up of Crohn's disease and I was losing my grip, my balance, my gain...so I ended up in the e.r.
Today, one week later, thanks to the steroid, Endocort, I've been feeling much better and I've gratefully returned from Crohn's hell to the land of the living. The inflammation has subsided, I'm eating baby food, getting lots of rest, drinking lots of water and juice, and going very very slowly...
Crohn's has taken me to that thin edge between life and death so many times in my last 51 years here on Planet Earth that I've stopped counting...I prefer counting my blessings. Following surgery from Crohn's when I was a teenager I've lived all these years with only half a colon and the scarred remainder of the other half. Lately I keep singing the Leonard Cohen tune, "Anthem"..."Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything...that's how the light gets in."
Check out the documentary, "I'm Your Man" - the life and music of Leonard Cohen. Cohen has the presence of a Buddhist (he practices Buddhism) - and has a kind of open sincerity - a nothing-to-hide-look in his eyes and a soulful depth that spills over into his music and lyrics. He speaks slowly as if there's no rush and as if each word matters...
The blessing and the "curse" of Crohn's is that I'm no longer able to keep up with this human rat race. I'm a drop-out once again. I've never been able to do it very well, but now I have a legitimate excuse. I have very limited energy now. I can't go fast and I can't get stressed without severe repercussions. I can't eat wheat, bread, cheese, milk, dairy products, red meat, sugar, alcohol or strange things like pineapple. Certain foods trigger Crohn's - I've learned the hard way to avoid them. I was recently "trying to be a normal person" by having a small glass of wine with dinner, but after several months of this simple pleasure I ended up in the e.r.
So back to counting my blessings! Here's a short list of a few of them:
- Love in my life, my dear beautiful partner, Carmen, who I love, trust, respect and relish sharing my life with... (:
- My connection with the Earth - my garden, my home near the sea, the California redwoods that protect us from the north wind, my wild-flower garden, my Chihuahuas - Chi Chi and Pearl.
- Art - my painting which led me to photography...which has led to a continued creative relationship with myself and the world around me. Photography has been a way of knowing myself and seeing what really matters to me day after day - it's one of my several forms of meditation.
- Time to contemplate. I love having breakfast in the morning sun on my deck overlooking my garden. I cherish slowing down first thing in the morning, taking time to watch the warm morning light illuminating the new Spring-green growth emerging all around me. This is the garden I've poured my life energy into for the last 13 years...the garden that nourishes my soul.
- Friends I call family (:
- The weeds in my garden that teach me patience.
- Lungs grateful for fresh air, legs happy to walk, arms that carry, hands that feel, ears that are happy in nature's "silence", eyes that love light, color, texture, form, movement, stillness, and the grand magnificence of the tiny wind-blown hummingbird nest I found this morning in my garden.
- This actually could be a HUGE list, but I'll stop here for now. Bottom line: I am blessed AND grateful.
If you'd like to see more of my photography click here.
